Dirty Chevron by by Matthew Taylor Wilson
Marriage and the adoption process have slowly made me more aware of the level to which I hold expectations. I just really need to lower expectations. At a conference I recently attended, the speaker said this:
Expectations are premeditated disappointments.
So true, so true. That has not left my mind.
Get this: Leading up to any non-routine social event, I am playing through the scenarios in my mind. Who will be there, who I’ll talk with, what I’ll say, how enjoyable or not enjoyable it will be, how delicious or not delicious the food will be, and whether or not I’ll regret attending.
Then, the whole time I’m there, I’m comparing reality with my expectations. And after I get home, I’m playing through who should have been there, who I should have talked with, what I should have said, and whether or not I’ll go to a similar event again.
It’s killer. Not only are these thoughts and scenarios a waste of my time, but they set me up to be checked out the whole time and disappointed each step of the way. I set my expectations so high for beautiful settings and thought-provoking conversation and James Beard-worthy food. Possibly exaggerating, but even the expectations I set to have really good conversation and eat really good food are sometimes a letdown.
I’ve gotten the tiniest bit better at just saying to myself, Okay, let’s go to this. I won’t play through scenarios. I’m just going to show up and give my best attempt to enjoy myself.
Late in dating and early in marriage, Dan and I — no, probably just I — struggled with expectations in one certain area of our relationship. I’ll share that in part two. And throughout our adoption process, I have learned a lot about expectations for right now and for after T+E are here. I’ll share that in part three.
Fun? Maybe? Not really? Whatever it is, I hope this is encouraging and eye-opening for you.