As we continue to wait for the okay to bring Theo + Elliot home with no end in sight, we’ve realized that maybe our apartment here in St. Louis won’t be their first home. That maybe we should put aside our desires to stay here as long as possible before all sorts of change hits. That maybe what would be best for Theo + Elliot is if we moved as soon as possible, got settled in, and prepared expectedly and hopefully for their arrival.
So, we’re doing it. We sat down and hashed out the dates… We’ll move the week of Dan’s graduation, come back to St. Louis for the ceremony and last goodbyes, and then return to Indianapolis to get settled into a new normal that will (hopefully) soon change with the arrival of two toddlers.
Friends and co-workers keep asking if I’m stressed. I’m not. They also ask if I’m excited. I am. And if I’m sad. I am.
I’ve felt like I hit my stride in St. Louis. No doubt that even this introvert was a bit depressed and pretty lonely upon moving here, but that all quickly gave way to great friendships, exploration, personal + spiritual growth, lots of learning, and meeting/dating/marrying my husband. As cheeseball as it is, moving to St. Louis was the first time I stepped away from all that was familiar and comfortable. And I really believe God celebrated and rewarded that.
We have loved our daily routines, our friends, our family, and our church here. During this time, though, God has continually led me to focus in on two of my main callings (after being a daughter of Christ): a wife to my husband and a momma to adopted kids. Right now, it appears that I’ll be most easily able to transition deeply into those roles by moving and settling in for what is yet to come.
I’m a little sad to leave my job, as I prepare to be a stay-at-home mom. I’m a little sad for Dan to launch into residency. And being very honest: I sometimes feel this unwanted worry that our adoption will fall through, Dan will never get to be home, and I’ll be bored and lonely as ever.
But of all things that I fear, God has no fear. And of all things that I am uncertain, God is certain.