handling disagreements: whatever works

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Oh, hey, did you hear the first year of marriage can be difficult? We were not miserable by any means. But if you were to make a graph of the disagreements over the course of our relationship, you would see a spike in the first year.

I was determined to work out disagreements by sitting down and discussing them like sane adults. Honestly, we weren’t always capable of this. And it was good for us when I finally accepted that we might just have to work out disagreements the non-traditional way… by sending emails. 

I communicate best by writing. For sure, for sure. No doubt about it. Dan communicates best all the time.

There were a couple instances when we would get in a disagreement right before one of us was walking out of the door. Frequently when I was home for lunch on an especially stressful day at work. By the time I’d get to work, I had cooled down, understood the situation, and emailed Dan to further explain and apologize. 

Dan quickly saw the pattern, and the next time we got frustrated, he graciously suggested that I send him an email explaining myself when I felt comfortable. This was genius. 

I sat down for some angry typing. I wrote, then I edited, then I deleted, and then I was able to really convey what was bothering me without those extra little, non-productive comments. After Dan read my email, we sat down and had a great conversation. 

Of course this won’t work for everyone. But the point is: Find out what works. And do whatever works to get out of that disagreement pit. 


Read other posts in this series.