normal is not necessary

Pebble by 2birdstone
Pebble by 2birdstone

I think I’m starting to accept it. A little late to the game, aren’t I? I’m not afraid to admit I’m still growing up and giving up a lot of naive hopes.

My life will never be normal. And normal is not necessary. Not necessary for my faith or my happiness or my enjoyment or my contentment.

Some of this not normal I have chosen. Some of it I have not.

It is not normal to be unable to travel for a three-day holiday weekend because your husband is working the night before and the night after. It’s not normal to go to bed at 2 a.m. and sleep in until 10 a.m. because you can’t sleep without him.

It is not normal to have your brain scanned every six months to a year for the rest of your life.

It is not normal to pursue adoption before biological children. It is not normal to wait two years for something that was expected to take 11 months.

It seems trivial when I write it, but these have all been on my mind. Schedules, health, family. Not normal.

I have struggled to accept that I will now never have a clear health history and will have yearly reminders of those really scary few days in the hospital. I have struggled to accept that the family-building route we felt called to has not been as smooth as we hoped.

It’s all based on comparison, though. And I like this life and its uniqueness quite a bit. I’m accepting that normal is not necessary. So, here we go. I have to imagine the not normal will only increase. 

  • This has taken me so long to learn to accept. Right now I struggle often with not being like my peers. Not having anyone who adopted before giving birth, having older kids with mental health needs, no one having a ‘large’ family with four kids, no one having a child with significant health needs and is developmentally delayed. It’s been a real lonely place at times but slowly God is giving me the strength to run to him and cling to him. And finding a beautiful joy in the journey.

    • natalie

      I think I’m learning to be comforted in the different not-normalness of other people’s lives. there *are* lots of reasons to find joy in it. I find joy in your family, Kaci! (and wish we lived closer…)

  • this is all so true and so hard. I think we create these expectations of normal and then we strive to live into them only to finally realize that normal is how our life really is.

    • natalie

      I created an expectation of normal but unique for myself. maybe I need to focus more on the unique? 🙂

  • “My life will never be normal. And normal is not necessary. Not necessary for my faith or my happiness or my enjoyment or my contentment”
    Thank you for putting words to describe what I have been feeling lately. Now if I can just learn to stop playing the comparison game that makes me discontent with what God has made my “normal”!

    • natalie

      ah, yes, the comparison game. I do that often! because I don’t feel like I fit in with the young, childless married couples OR the older parenting couples :-/ I wish I lived by you!

  • Thanks for featuring my art print as part of your post! I also quite enjoyed your post, I’ve decided there is no such thing as “normal,” just what’s habitual.

    • natalie

      Ashley, I love all your work on Minted! it’s beautiful!