my husband beside me in the hospital bed

March 2014, Indianapolis, Indiana

The first night at the hospital was miserable. After multiple tests and being told I had a brain tumor and would have surgery in two days, there wasn’t a bed ready on the neurology floor. Finally, at about 2 am… 3 am… I don’t know.. a room was ready.

We went upstairs and realized we didn’t have any clothes or other necessities. And Oscar probably needed to go out. Besides running home to pack a bag and let out Oscar, Dan stayed with me the whole time.

While he was gone, the sweet nurses searched out another bed to push beside mine for Dan. By the time he got back the adrenaline of the night’s events had worn off, and we were fully exhausted and finally alone.

We laid down, side by side, facing each other. I whispered my fears and my apologies for everything I ever regretted. I cried hard for the first time since we’d gotten to the hospital. We held hands and snuggled as best we could tangled with the hospital bed rails. We fell asleep.

I woke up a couple hours later after light, worried sleep. I simultaneously wanted it to already be morning and wanted morning to never come. I saw Dan beside me in the hospital bed, his face peaceful but his body uncomfortable from the small bed. He was still wearing the clothes he had on when we went to dinner and my body started saying something was wrong.

husband beside me in the hospital bed

(I love him so much. My throat gets tight picturing him there.) And right then, in the middle of the night, I started thinking: What if God has brought me through these really hard experiences since Dan came into my life because He knew I couldn’t handle it all alone? 

It just sucks sometimes. It’s miserable. But goodness gracious, how sweet it is to always have this husband by my side. He will not give us more than we can handle. And we might just be able to handle more together than we could have apart.

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This is the thirtieth post in my 31 Days series. This page will be updated each day with the newest post, if you want to come back to it from time to time.

moments that mattered to me // 31 days @ little things + big stuff