70 percent excited and 30 percent nervous

My husband and I spend a lot of time together. Despite all this time together, I still ache for more conversation.

I love conversation. I think I could never get enough. I love the insights others make about my life. I love being challenged by questions I’ve never considered. I love hearing, “Is that true, or are you just saying it?” I love when Dan thinks hard to accurately describe his feelings. I love the way I can see his reeling mind through the expression on his face.

After a sweet cousin’s wedding in Virginia, we headed for a cabin in a tiny town in West Virginia. We went out for a nice dinner on the first night in town.

It was a romantic spot, and I couldn’t help but listen to the conversations of our couples there. One was on their honeymoon… They didn’t want dessert, because they had “tons of cake at home.” The other was celebrating their first wedding anniversary after being together for 13 years. They requested more spice be added to their food.

And then me and Dan? We are at a weighty point in our marriage. We’re having so much fun, but there’s still a bit of an ache for something different.

We want very much to grow our family. And we believe very much that adoption is the best plan for our family. As we consider growing our family and the growing pains that will come with that, we know we need to rely on the community God has given us. 

So we talked about our marriage and our desire to have children. We talked about the community we have here in Indianapolis and in other parts of the Midwest and on some parts of online. It was a frustrating conversation, really. Nothing is exactly how we want it to be, yet everything is exactly how God has arranged it to be. 

I usually have to prod Dan to get him about how he really feels. But he summed up his feelings on it all quite simply without my prompting.

“I’m 70 percent excited and 30 percent nervous,” he said, stabbing another toasted gnocchi. 

“Me too,” I said. “Ah, well… actually…  let’s go with 60/40.” I’ve always been the nervous one.

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  • I can so relate with the in between feeling. Husband and I are very open to adoption but don’t feel like that’s where God’s leading right now. We have been trying to conceive for a year now with no “luck.” Although I know it’s no based o luck and just like you, God has us right where He wants us. Knowing that doesn’t take away the longing though.

    • natalie

      the “in between” is not usually fun to be in. though there’s sometimes anticipation and excitement, I always wonder if that next step might never coming. there are several similarities between trying to conceive and adoption, so I know a bit of what you’re talking about.

  • Loved this post!! I can really relate to nothing being how we planned it to be, but being perfectly how God wants it to be. I always have to remember that his plans are better than ours. Thanks for sharing!

    • natalie

      t’s just so hard to really believe it… especially in the middle of a lot of yuck! I have to think it will take a long time to really accept + remember this right away in most circumstances.

  • alyssa

    Keep talking, keep loving, keep going. God’s got both of you and will get you to and through anything y’all need him to! <3

    • natalie

      this is a good reminder! thanks, Alyssa!

  • that polaroid is a keeper! co cute!

    • it went into the guestbook! so we have the photo of the photo 🙂