our road to Milo: part 1 — failed match

Read part 2 (baby born)part 3 (two phone calls)part 4 (waiting to meet) + part 5 (meeting Milo + J)

When we started the domestic adoption process, our guidelines were fairly wide open. But we did feel passionately that we were equipped to parent children of any race — especially black and black biracial — and we did really want a girl. As time went on, we started to feel that maybe we were putting up constraints where God didn’t want them. We decided to constantly reevaluate as we continued to pray about the children that we would have the privilege of parenting. Along the way, we realized maybe it was possible He would like to see another boy in our family. Or at least see us be open to the possibility.

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One morning several weeks ago, Dan and I went to the Y and drove downtown to donate some clothes and housewares (nesting!). We argued the whole time. Have we not yet matched because He is asking us to wait, or because He is asking us to be open to boys, or a combination of both? After some prayer, we found ourselves on the same page. Let’s request to be able to submit our profile for consideration by women expecting baby boys. We emailed our contact, and a wave of relief rolled over us. As I have matured in my faith, I have experienced the freedom that comes with giving up control.

That night, our contact person called about a woman — I’ll call her J — pregnant with a baby boy. For reasons that are not mine to share, she had considered many families, but none of them were a good fit for her. She still wasn’t matched, and would we want to be considered? Going off very little information, we said “yes,” and headed out the door expecting we would not be the right fit either.

But we started praying for her. Praying for her by name and for baby boy who wasn’t yet born. We prayed she would experience wisdom and clarity as she determined what was best for herself and her boy. We asked God to put people in her life to encourage her and comfort her. We asked that He would prepare our hearts and hers… especially for the possibility that she may not choose us or she may choose to parent. 

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetWe heard nothing for a while, and then heard she had experienced some difficult stuff the days prior and wasn’t ready to make a decision. We knew the baby would be born at any time. In our minds, she was choosing to parent. (I know now this was my let’s-be-pessimistic-to-cope-with-hard-stuff ploy.) So, we physically “moved on,” with J still frequently on our minds.

A week and a day later, we travelled to South Carolina to meet a baby girl we thought would be “ours.” On the day we landed in South Carolina and learned that match would likely fail, J gave birth to a baby boy in Utah and named him Jayden. IMG_0793