our road to Milo: part 2 — baby born

Read part 1 (failed match), part 3 (two phone calls)part 4 (waiting to meet) + part 5 (meeting Milo + J)

We went to Charleston to try to enjoy ourselves. We had wanted to visit for quite some time, so while our spirits were a little downtrodden, it seemed like a good opportunity. While standing underneath a huge, beautiful tree outside of Charleston, the agency social worker in contact with the local birth mom sent us a message saying, “She just let me know she is 100% certain she wants to parent.” Ughhhh! Okay, I’m not sure I want to ever do this again. This sucks so much! was my internal reaction. And Dan’s was, “I just can’t stop thinking about J.”

1779736_10204972622253489_7698927964278062561_nInstead of flying home from Charleston, we decided to drive. The drive was, in a lot of ways, a way to process and cleanse after the last hard week. We talked a lot about what God’s plan in the experience might be. We talked about whether or not we wanted to take a break or continue presenting our profile to situations. We prayed, and we also sang along to Top 40 radio using so-far-from-correct lyrics. We laughed a lot, and it felt good.

And then my phone rang. It was our primary adoption contact. She shared that J had given birth to a baby boy the week prior. And she was still considering adoption. And would we still like to be considered? 

In the past 2.5 years of pursuing adoption and past three years of marriage and past five years of pursuing social work, I have become quite self-aware. Especially when it comes to stress and worry and fear and my river of well-being. I felt myself teetering on the edge of chaos. “Dan, this craziness is going to do me in,” I told him, “but we have to say yes. Don’t we? Right? We will regret it? We have prayed so much for her.” So we said yes… again! 

We got home, let out a huge sigh, and started considering what another failed about would be like. And then began another several days of waiting and wondering. We didn’t know when she was going to see our profile or when she was going to choose or if she was even going to choose. There was no precedent set for this sort of situation. But in my silly little mind, this decision could be made within 48 hours! At least! So when it wasn’t, again, I thought she was going to parent him. She was home living with him and loving him so much, after all. 10011332_10204986877009849_1590970232466755415_nWe tried hard to be expectant. We did the things we wished we had done before we had travelled the first time — set up the nursery, tackled months-old projects, cleaned our house. But we kept checking in and kept hearing that nothing had been decided. I busied myself with work and errands and nesting and visiting a friend.

While talking to this friend about adoption and God’s purposes and babies, my phone rang again. Our adoption contact. She said that though she was about ready to suggest we move on if we hadn’t heard anything, she had just heard that J wanted to have a phone call with us. We were the only family she was interested in. And the social worker was calling as soon as possible.